Metaphor 1
These next few days are going to be some of the toughest. All I am asking you to do is try and help each other. By working collaboratively and constructively, we can do great things!
Metaphor poem 1: describe an object or scene that particularly interests you without making any comparisons of one thing to another. Rewrite it, if necessary, until it is as free of comparisons if possible- Just try, please.
Try accessing two poems (Donne's "I am a little world made cunningly" and Shakespeare's "My mistresses eyes are nothing like the sun") that might help you. These two poems are full of comparisons. Can you take out the comparisons and reduce the poems down to their essence?
posted by annes @ 7:52 AM
25 Comments:
First Post!
Okay well this is my metaphor poem, without the metaphors. I am describing my dog, Molly. The first four lines after the word Molly describe physical traits, and the four lines before the words the dog describe personality traits.
Molly
Brown and black
Stray
Short
Her feet click when she walks
Dim, but lovable all the same
Bold
Lazy
Lives for food
The Dog
Emilyl- Interesting poem, as you said their are no metaphors. I am going to post my poem later.
Emilyl- Do you need punctuation.
Here is my poem,
I discribes my little sister, Claire.
My Sister
Claire
She’s smart, young,
And full of spunk.
She’s very nice and talented.
10 years upon this earth.
My sister Claire.
If anyone has any comments, please tell me.
Alex D,
I don't understand your comment about punctuation.
This is my poem about the sun, and I know it's not the best, so please give some suggestions on how I can make it better!
Shining and warm
Relaxing and strong
At times covered by clouds
Golden oranges and reds
Beaming down on earth
Since the beginning
This poem is based on the "At Trail's End" picture which I put as my avatar. Okay, all, here goes:
"Defeated"
The wind whips around the two warriors
As dust coats the lines of their tears.
The prairie grasses whip around the horse's hooves
Echoing their hopes and their fears.
Both of their heads bow in shame.
Both cry out in their sorrow and pain.
These warriors so strong
Are unjustly wronged
By the horrors of a grave defeat.
Anna, I really like your poem and your use of alliterary devices and the imagery you percieve. Although, I think that you do have one comparison. You may be comparing the grass to the hopes and fears, but if you are, it isn't very obvious. Nicely written.
Ok so, once again, mine kinda falls short
but thats ok!
this place is one you can guess, probably, but if you can't, the answers at the end.
Very good to all.
The people collect around the vendors.
The clamor to get to the Mall Ride
Everything one needs.
On one street.
8 Starbucks.
3 subways.
2 McDonald's.
And one Hard Rock Café.
What street?
16th.
DENVER!
In The Night
Gleaming stars
In the Night
Penetrate the sky
Light the night
Some shine bright
City lights
In the Night
Dim the sky
But the moon shines high
To penetrate the night
Noisy cars
In the Night
Hustle and Bustle
And break the scilence
Of a quite night
Ok, I tried and I hope this is what the assignment was looking for. I tried to be very plain, so if anyone has any advice, it would be well appreciated.
Yea and annad, I liked your poem but there are several spots that I thought might be considered a comparrison. My only concern was the same area Kathryn found.
Alright, drum role please, here is my poem.
My Guitar (Yes I DO Play)
Fender
Maple neck
22 frets
White Pick guard
6 Strings
E, A, D, G, B, E
Chords, Power Chords
Black Finish
Electric
3 Pick Ups
Fender
Sara, ironically the name of your canine friend is the name of an excellent Eric Clapton song, you should look into it.
Ok guys. Here's my poem. I hope i didn't use any comparisons. I didn't see any. But ya know, I might've missed some. Anyways this poem pretty much sums up what I think of the white stuff we've been getting for the past almost 8 weeks.
Also. Annad I really liked your poem. It uses great imagery and the like.
Kjerstinl. Great job on yours! Like Anna's, it uses great imagery. And it flows very nicely.
Kathrynt. Yours uses great imagery as well. I liked how you used the word night pretty often because I think it added to the effect of painting a nightime scene in a city.
Everyone else: great job! No offense to y'all, but I personally think that poems where you basically list off characteristics don't appeal to me. But that's just my opinion. Don't let it damage your self esteem.
Anyhow, heres mine:
Snow
As I walk into the cool night,
I look up and see,
Particles of white,
Gently floating down to this world.
As it lands on my skin,
It quickly melts,
Into soft puddle of water,
And soaks in.
It gradually speeds up,
Transforming into a mass of white,
Falling to the ground,
To blanket the land.
As I watch this wonder,
This miracle of the mountains,
I think to myself,
How wonderful it is.
How wonderful to find yourself,
In the midst of a storm,
With frost rushing down,
To envelop the land.
To envelop the land,
In a beautiful canopy,
Of the soft flakes that are,
This wondrous gift of snow.
Danh-
Your poem was very good. However on a couple of your first verses you might want to cut out a couple of words in one of the lines to make them all about the same legenth. Such as:
As I walk into the cool night,
I look up and see,
Particles of white,
Gently floating down to this world.
And on the last line take out "down to this world" and replace with something along the lines of "to the ground" ...it's ultimately up to you... Nice job though!
Annad-
In the first verse you use "whips" twice. It is a very good word, but it might sound a little better if you use "whips" in the first line and a synonym in the third...
Your poem was also really good!
No for my poem thing...I did mine on the moon.
The Moon
Round, whole
White, orange
Pock marked
Mysterious
different images (I'll add something about how some see a man, rabit or other things)
Peaceful serinity
intracing
Pretty low to the majority of the others...
Ok here goes.
The Rockslide
Jagged
Unstable
Rickety
Becca
Laura
Bret
Issac
Brandon
Justin
Jessica
Sunrise
Orange
Pink
Gorgeous
Cold
Fun
Hilarious
Kyle's ego
Tired
early morning
Rain
Freezing
Hole in the Rocks
Craig
Trees
Moss
Races
Wow I'm actually amazed with how many I came up with. Even if it is only a list.
The light from the window
Illuminates the still room.
Music plays from the walls,
Bringing calm and serenity.
Memories jump from their places,
As if clamoring to be remembered.
Stuffed friends, worn by love,
Beg to be held again.
Cold metal seems to pierce,
But only adds to the peace.
Closed doors cannot block the music,
For the window brings the light.
The space sings to itself,
An everlasting song of protection.
Alright, I don't know what I am doing or if this is right but here it goes.
After running
In the late afternoon
Breathing heavily
Blood racing
Sky is clear
Clouds are fair
Not dressed for success
Only for me
The air is still
The grass is green
Sun is setting
For the end of the day
Sitting alone
On a hill so tall
For the first time in a while I felt peaceful
Stellar job guys!!! There's so much diversity, but the same awesome talent. Keep it all up!
Here's mine, it's about a princess :)
Cinderella
Two bottomless sapphires a deep ocean blue
Genuine happiness spilling through pearly whites
Soft cherry-red roses form a pair of lips,
That accompany her dots of chocolate dripped from the sun
A pure golden ocean wave cascades down her back
Containing silver satin woven through
Smoother than butter-cream and sweeter than cookie dough,
Her silky hair dances in the sunlight
She wears hand-woven magic
A cerulean cloudless sky
Scented with a daisy's perfume
Fitted to her thornless stem
She glides on crystals
Her feet skating on glassy ice
An elegant cat never tripping on toes
Beauty and Grace at a loss for words
With honey for a personality,
Sparkling diamonds shining her purity,
Princess Cinderella twirls with her Prince
Joyfully dancing through life.
My first metaphor is about my lacrosse stick
Lacrosse Stick
My lacrosse stick is my weapon of choice
It is the sword that I wield when I step on the field
The pocket is a cradle for that three ounce ball
The shaft is a staff for the hits that I give
Together the two are day and night
Finess and brutality
Together they make a thing of beauty
Anna- I liked your poem a lot! It's very descriptive and interesting. Good job!
Dan- Your poem was also very well done and descriptive. I think it will be a lot easier to use in the Metaphor 2 poem than mine will! :)
Lane- Way to take the initiative and go with a different format! I like it.
Emily- Again, kudos for going with the different format!
Michelle- I like yours too, but I think that you could do with a little bit more.
tyc: I really liked your poem. It was an interesting take on lacrosse, and the rhythm made it fun to read.
Hey guys I wrote my poem about my harp. Here it is...
Deep mahogany
Pale cherry wood
7 golden pedals
Tall
Swooping silhouette
34 slender strings attached to 34 shiny pins
Intricately carved column
Round base
4 holes for the escape of sound,
Beautiful sound
I wrote this one about the view from the apartment where I stayed in Paris last spring. If any of you know where the Invalides is (Napoleon's tomb), that is where it was. Enjoy!
White Curtains
Busy street
Invalides
Crisp blue sky
Cherry smell
Gentle breeze
Small cars in the street below
Cute boys walking by, the same ones as before
Tall boots
People playing soccer on the avenue
Pleasant yet loud silence
Bakeries
Super Marche
Morning sounds
Walking Dogs
Knobby trees
Pain au chocolat
Orange wall paint
Mirrored walls
Scarlet chaise lounge
Feeling of complete
~Laura
The highest point
Feeling free
Facing down hill
Racing through the trees
Snowflakes brushing my face
Fear, no exhilaration
Faster and faster without hesitation
The bottom approaches
It can’t end
It does, only until I reach the top again
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